Some Additional Thoughts

God knows, we all need a laugh. Here are some of the things I've collected over the years that have raised a smile and on occasion even made me chuckle.

Forethought, not afterthought…

While copywriting is by no means an exact science, you should expect a certain level of accuracy and awareness when it comes to choosing the right words. The following are instructions which sneaked their way past the proofing radar.

Take off cap and push up bottom.
(deodorant)

Crispy codpieces.
(fish in batter)

Put it up yourself.
(self-assembly shed)

Do not use while sleeping.
(hairdryer)

Do not turn upside down.
(printed on the bottom of a food container)

This door is not to be used for entering or exiting the building.
(warning next to an emergency exit)

For indoor or outdoor use only.
(printed on Christmas light packaging)

Keep out of children.
(warning on Korean kitchen knife packaging)

Product will be hot after heating.
(warning on packaging of microwave snack)

Automatic pilot does not mean that the vehicle will drive itself.
(Notice added to an automotive handbook following a legal dispute)

Do not iron clothes whilst on person.
(printed on iron packaging)

May cause drowsiness.
(warning on sleep aid)

Warning: Contains nuts.
(printed on peanut packaging)

Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals.
(printed on chainsaw packaging)

Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(printed on frozen food packaging)

Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
(printed on children's cough medicine packaging)

Not to be used for other use.
(printed on Japanese food processor packaging)

Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(printed on airline packet of nuts)

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(printed on child's Superman costume packaging)

Lost In Translation…

While you may think it has perfect tone, pitch and meaning, don't for a minute think that everyone else is talking your kind of language.

www.powergenitalia.com
(Powergen's Italian subsidiary)

A U.S. food company moved into the Spanish market and used its existing slogan, 'It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken'. Unfortunately, literally translated it reads as 'It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate'.

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
(welcome pack in Japanese hotel)

Please leave your values at reception.
(notice in Paris hotel lobby)

Drop your trousers here for best results.
(sign outside a Bangkok tailors)

In case of a fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
(sign in the lobby of a Vienna hotel)

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
(sign in window of Rome laundry)

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
(sign in a Tokyo bar)

We take your bags and send them in all directions.
(sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office)

If this is your first visit to Russia, you are welcome to it.
(written in a Moscow hotel welcome pack)

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
(sign at a Budapest zoo)

The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.
(sign outside a new town hall to be opened by HRH Prince of Wales)

Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for next 100 yrs.
(roadside sign)

Bargain basement upstairs.
(sign in a London department store)

After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
(sign in staff kitchen)

We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
(sign outside a junk shop)

Elephants, please stay in your car.
(warning at safari park)

We can repair anything. Please knock hard on the door as the bell doesn't work.
(sign on door of repair shop)

If you are unable to read, this leaflet will explain how to get help.
(message on a public service leaflet)

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
(sign on shop toilet door)

The US's Dairy Association's huge success with the 'Got Milk?' campaign prompted it to expand its advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to its attention that when translated into Spanish, the billboards read 'Are you lactating?'

It didn't take Hyundai long to realise that its new Pony model wasn't going to sell too well in London.

Read All About It!

We've all seen them and wondered. The existence of a newspaper sub can sometimes be a lonely and dull one. Sometimes they're genuine mistakes. But who can blame them for having the odd bit of fun.

Something went wrong in jet crash say experts.

Man chokes to death on railway platform.

Drunks get nine months in violin case.

Iraqi head seeks arms.

Panda mating fails. Veterinarian takes over.

Miners refuse to work after death.

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant.

Stolen painting found by tree.

Man struck by lightning faces battery charge.

Astronaut takes blame for gas in space.

Kids make nutritious snacks.

Local school drop-outs cut in half.

Forethought, Not Afterthought…

It's that language thing again. Some mistakes are not instantly recognised and can take a while to fester before they finally sink in.

During its 1994 launch in Northern Ireland, telecoms giant Orange was forced to drop its classic slogan 'the future's bright, the future's orange', after widespread complaints from the Catholic population.

Baby food manufacturer, Gerber is a global name. Except in France and Canada that is, where the company's name means vomiting.

We all like a Latte every now and then. But you might get a shock if you ask a German coffee shop assistant for one. While in Italian, latte means milk, in Germany it means erection.

If Ford were at a loss as to why it's Pinto model didn't sell well in Brazil, they quickly found out by talking to some of the locals. Pinto is Brazilian slang for 'male genitals'. It has now been renamed the Corcel.

At the time the Hoover Zyklon seemed an appropriate name for its new German model of Vacuum cleaner. That was, until someone pointed out that while Zyklon may translate as cyclone, Zyklon B was also the name of the lethal gas used in concentration camps by the Nazi's.

When American Motors launched its new Matador in South America, it took off everywhere except in Puerto Rico. Because of its cruelty, bull fighting was abolished over 100 years ago, when the Americans took control of the country.

Clever, Very Clever…

Here are some signs that make business fun.

We're no. 1 in the number no. 2 business.
(sign on a septic tank truck)

We repair what your husband fixed.
(sign on a plumber's truck)

Out to lunch. If not back by 5pm, out to dinner as well.
(sign in the window of a photographic studio)

Please don't smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is.
(sign in garage forecourt)

Don't sleep with a drip - call your plumber.
(sign on a plumber's truck)

We really know our stuff.
(sign in a taxidermist's window)

If you can't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
(sign in an optician's window)

The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
(sign at a car dealership)

Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
(sign in a veterinarian's waiting room)

Drive carefully. We'd rather wait.
(sign outside a funeral home)

The farmer allows ramblers to cross the field for free. However, the bull charges.
(sign on a fence)

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The pen is mightier than the sword and considerably easier to write with. Marty Feldman.